What do you think of ketchup?

Trick question. Ketchup’s a jerk. Ketchup is a poser. Ketchup is a tomato menace encroaching on the domains of all other sauces.

Burgers and ketchup. Sure, why not. A little bland, could use some heat, but it’s pretty traditional. I’ll let it slide.

Hotdogs and ketchup. This is almost right. It’s like accidentally shaving off your eyebrows. People may not immediately notice, but eventually…they’ll notice. This is mustard’s turf. And mustard does not suffer fools.

Eggs and ketchup. I’d argue this is even more divisive than pineapple on pizza (and no, I will definitively say that pineapple should not be on pizza). Eggs are hot sauce territory. You don’t need to add tomato and sugar to eggs. You don’t want to ruin the egg flavor. You just want spicy egg. Wild egg. Adventurous egg. Kick you breakfast off with a bang. You don’t want to be read the benefits of lycopene by some watery knockoff of grape jelly made from the color red.

Spaghetti and ketchup. This is beyond the pale. There is no universe where these two items belong on the same plate, but here we are, conditioned by reality TV to think there is some inherent novelty to spraying high fructose corn paint all over your wormy noodles. Gross, right? Yeah. That’s ketchup’s fault.

Anyway, like that friend you love to hate, I guess we will concede that ketchup does have its place. Ketchup mixed with Jersey Girl hot sauce is, like most things mixed with Jersey Girl hot sauce, the perfect way to spice up your plate.

Written by Blogger: Ryan Schwartz